Posted on by Move, Inspire, Pursue

The right thing

I am forever trying to find the right thing. I will look for months on the right kind of routine that I should integrate into my life, or the right food eating habits that I should have, or the right job, the right inspiration, the right gumption, the right conversation, the right goals and aspirations. I constantly find myself frustrated and depressed because nothing seems to work with I see is right or what I see other people having as being right. I often am crushed that I am not able to find or be the right person, or do the right job, or have the right goals. This has been a struggle for basically all of my life. I can’t really tell you where it’s stemmed from. I just always see others being and doing the right things that seem to make them happy. Or they seem to have it all figured out.

But ultimately I know in my heart that what is right for others is not right for me or could be a different kind of right version of what they have found to be successful versus what I will find to be successful. It is something that I’ve always struggled with and that I will probably most likely struggle with in the future. It’s always that niggling feeling in the back of my head that something, or I am just not…. (Insert word).

It’s the lie that has been living in the back of my thoughts for years.

So what I’ve decided to do now is to make conscious efforts to be diligent in areas that actually interest me. Really trying not to defer to what I see other people doing or being or are experiencing. What does Sarah R Barnard like? What do I dislike? What do I think I could live with, and without. What do I feel I don’t really have any opinion on. What could I be okay with even if it’s not perfect. What do I want my future to look like. I chose a long time ago not to have regrets. I can only say and count on one hand the amount of regrets that I do have. So trying to go back and be something is not possible. But I have a good idea and some ideas to pursue for the future. Now this all sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. Just a bunch of things to tell myself that I’m not going to fulfill or going to change my mind, saying that those aren’t what I really want.

That I don’t really trust myself to be able to fulfill them. But I think that’s how life goes.

There’s not a right thing for everyone, you just have to choose the path you want to take and what you want to do with it. Someone else’s right is not your right and your right is not their right.

I guess in a sense we’re all making it up as we go along.

There are tons of professional and non professional people who have books and platforms, audio books and written essays and magazines on how they have found their path to being happy. They want to share the tips and ideas and advice with others, which is amazing, and I certainly look and read those. They give me inspiration but my life is mine.

I’m certainly going to think about deleting this post because again it sounds like a bunch of holubuluey that I’m just going to tell myself and then I’ll never do anything about. But I’m going to post it anyways. Because I need to.

Actions speak louder than words so even if this post is just about a bunch of words and affirmations and half beliefs, and phrases that may or may not in 90 seconds mean anything to me. I will still post.

I just know that the right thing for me is to know who I am, know what I like, know hat I want even if it ay hange in a day or a year, know what I dislike, know how to take care of myself, my dog, my boyfriend, my house, and my career. I need to know the kinds of things I don’t really care about, and the things that I have a little bit of opinion about but don’t really think about too much, and it is okay to not have a game plan and it is okay to not know what the right answer is.

So thanks for reading this far. Thanks for being a part of the journey. The curiosity.

Much appreciation and admiration.

Sarah b

Posted on by Move, Inspire, Pursue

Traveling…

I like to work, so when my new boss asks “what trips and vacations do I plan to take” I answer none. It’s maybe because I want to show I am a hard worker or maybe it’s because I’m broke or perhaps it’s because I’m not sure where to go but in any case this is my first 4 days off in 6 months that isn’t attached to a holiday. I am going home to Auburn Alabama to visit my family and have holiday cheer.

To start off my wonderful partner brought me to the airport and he is so very calm and it helps me not be so nervous. I do love flying and the airport experience. But pre-flight jitters is totally me.

Then I made my way along the appropriate procedures and went through security to my gate. The Dane County Regional Airport supports the capital of Wisconsin, Madison. It seems to strange to me that the capital has such a small airport. I am used to capital cities in the East that are gigantic.

Gates 1-5

Gates 6-13

I love flying. I hope I get to know this airport in the future. Here’s to the Holidays, family visits, wonderful partners, and fun times.

Happy trip!

**this is day 180 in Wisconsin**

Posted on by Move, Inspire, Pursue

Self portrait

A little bit of myself as a self portrait. I woke up this morning to a double helix curl. It, my hair, caught me off guard a little. That seems like a stupid sentence but it managed to twine itself in such a distinct way that I have not had the heart or desire to unwrap it or wash it away. Yes my hair is already clean.

Let’s talk about a double helix. Its what our DNA is, something so ingrained into our being that we are nothing without it.

dou·ble he·lix
ˈdəbəl ˈhēliks/
noun
a pair of parallel helices intertwined about a common axis, especially that in the structure of the DNA molecule.

Posted on by Move, Inspire, Pursue

A little Echinacea

I am really trying to not get sick. I already have a runny nose, and I have moved to a new state and city so things are new. I work in an office where we talk to each other everyday and mingle here and there.

Echinacea tea by Yogi is awesome. I started using it sometime in college. A doctor once told me that Echinacea and Goldenseal are perfect combination for cold season. It’s an immune booster and you only need to take it for about 10-12 days. So here we go Echinacea tea, a little honey and viola, soothing tea.

Yogi teas are facinating to to me. They are a good brand for my taste buds, my budget, and the variety is good. I trust them. So today during my tea break I am reading the little tag while in the elevator.

“The gate to happiness is self-compassion. ”

Whaaattt???

Oh you mean take more breaks for yourself to clear the mind. Make sure to do for yourself what no one else can do- self love? Take a deep breath and think on peaceful things. Have compassion for myself? I think i need some more tea to think on that topic and how to do it for myself.

Yogi tea, Echinacea Plus- saving my sanity one cup at a time.

Sincerely

Posted on by Move, Inspire, Pursue

Day 13

I got a job!!!! It is a temp job but for a great company. Cadre Employment Services on assignment to CLEAResults. I am just happy it’s a job. I know temp isn’t permanent but I’m going to be positive in that I believe I will be awesome for these people.

Also notice the date on which I took it. Number 13 baby!

There is something to be said about courage and consistency. This move was a courageous act. But what I have to continue to remember is that courage comes with all sorts of loose ends. They are tag teaming you and they will mostly consist of (if you move from one state to another) car insurance, healthcare 🤔😓, job hunting- if needed, and a major dose of super budget cuts. It also takes a vividly courious mind and basically not letting fear eat you alive, a sort of mindful wariour of sorts.

For me, Sarah Barnard, there certainly are parts of this that I am so scared about- healthcare 😲😵😖😬😬😱. The possible gap in things. Today June 14 I will tackle that monster and get it resolved! ✨

Next is my need to be on a super budget in a town that has so many food options! The possibility of never eating the same food twice in this city is crazy. I am however, looking for some great places to hangout, chill, maybe a place where eventually someone will know my name, or a place to hide from the world if necessary. I never could find that place in Charlotte. My need to try new things is being dampered by my need to save money. A virtual tug if war.

The other struggle is putting myself into this world of Madison WI. Each day is new. Emails have to be written for connections to people you got info from, people have to be spoken to and I have a dog so neighborhood exploration is necessary. That takes saying hello to others on the sidewalk and not crossing to avoid a meeting.

Finding FREE things to do. Not things that sort of cost less than other things but FREE! It is very possible. Last weekend I volunteered at the Bartell Theater to be an usher and I met some awesome people. Next there will a REI class on something in the area and last night I took a drive without my gps. The only part I looked up was what park and lake I was at.

While doing this I found where the sunset is. Lake Mendota is breathtaking. There is a huge 37 acre park in Madison and the sunset.

Lina (my dog) and I parked in the neighborhood and took our long night walk. We peeked between houses lining the lake and on the sidewalk we met other dog people and pooches. A place to meander.

I feel I might be rambling on but the idea right now is to immerse oneself in this new land. Yes I am happy. Not scared so much as I just have to keep checking off the necessary things on my list so I don’t get into trouble, I need to make some moola and learn new and good things!

Also I need to love myself. That is something I am very excited to do again! Work/life balance.

So here’s to new things and being courageous.

Love you all.

Posted on by Move, Inspire, Pursue

Day 5

So I have never had a gas stove. Oh my gosh the broiler is in the drawer on the Bottom????!

“No that’s where you put your pots and pans. ”

I blurted all this while my loving man explained to me the little bits of a gas stove.

So here is my first meal for myself using both the stove and the oven.

Bone in porkc chops, salt, pepper, and Mister Mustard HOT! Apples on the side.

It was a success and delicious!!!

It was awesome!